Tuesday, September 21, 2004

time for a ride;

I have moved here ! I'll be bloggin on the new site really soon.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

You Did Not Love Me;

You said you're all that I'll need
I wait, I cry everynight
You lied, you'll never by my side
Now that I know I am a fool

You watch me burn You delight
You flawed my life Make me crawl
You tore me up Watch me fall
My plight you own Curse me more

* Ah .. You did not love me

What Father are you Look at me
When I'm talkin to you Answer me
The plans you have Evil spells
Walk out of me Never look back

What is my name Answer me
What do I want Far from thee
You enemy Flee from me
Tormented heart within me

* Ah .. You did not love me

Holy Mama! I really couldn't believe this! I actually passed my DMDW paper! I'm so overjoyed right now but at the same time, feeling rather perplexed about the grades. You mean I passed? Muhahahahaha!! And guess what? Nicholas scored the lowest in the entire cohort. Bad boy. He needs to buck up.

I've been thinking alot these days. Umm.. since when have I not? I stop by hostel a couple of times after school this week, just to swim alittle and play some guitar. Sometimes, I'll just take a nap by the sofa. I even bought a 6 can pack Heiniken beer. Yum Yum.

Monday, September 13, 2004

OOooo la la;

The 1 week term break is finally over! That spells that start of work, and more work! Project works infact! Poor Kelvin Lee and Daniel are having their test this week. Ha! At least I'll done over with mine! Lalala..

Recently, there's this anonymous person who tagged and refused to reveal herself. Well, I would believe that it's a she. Just a guard feeling. Big Fat Annoyance.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

slackie boy

I've been doing nothing the whole of this week but play and have fun. Oh well, I did some reading, some swimming but ultimately, minimal constructive stuffs. I have played too hard! I went to school on Tuesday morning hoping to catch up with some project work with Ed and Ger. We failed. We discussed about girls over breakfast instead. Muhahaha..

Landridge has been the best place for me. I call it my hostel and am gradually making that place to be. It'll be so wonderful if I can live there all by myself. No heated clamours, little worries. Almost perfect. And a labtop would top it all. Oooshh!

I'm currently reading this book titled The Soloist. I rented it from a bookstore in Holland Village which I quite often frequent. The deposit cost 19 bucks but I'm entitled a 12 bucks refund if I return it within 2 months. It seems like a high price to pay to read a book but pardon me, I have my reasons. My senseless invalid reasons. Haha.. Though the local library, as a matter of fact, offers a broader variety of articles than what a typical bookstore could contain, I would still prefer the former. Reason being, the books are generally better in condition and the pinch to actually pay to read, urges me to finish the book. What a weird but true thought! I'll probably do a book review when I'm done with it. =D

Singapore idol group3 episode had been a lackluster. The online forums have been ranting about Jerry and Taufik entering the top10 while ugly but loudmouthed Nana didn't. I have also expressed my dislike for Christopher Lee. I hope he is less arrogant now when I knew him back in secondary school.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

our plights are his delights;

I've not been bloggin for quite sometime, but sure enough, the counter has been jumping by the little each time I revisit my blog to check for any new tags. Sadly, no new tags. But it's ok. Haha ..

Let's talk about internet browsers. Most web surfers, or should I use the term amatuer web users are familiar with internet explorer. Ok, I know this sounds Duddz but hear me out first. Alternate browsers such like Avant browser and Mozilla Firebox would probably be something new to them. But little do they know that these wacky gizmos offer advanced features and capabilities and most importantly (to poor pocketmoney-fed students like us) they are free of charge! Unlike the typical internet explorer (without service pack2 in this case), these web browsers support multiple tabs and are also equipped with built-in pop-up blocker. Speaking about pop-ups, they can really brew your blood sometimes. Especially those with unnatural explicit images. Though they can be pretty fascinating at times. Alternate browsers are also highly customizable and very user friendly. Taking Mozilla Firefox for example, I was pretty impressed to learn that it actually had a miniature download manager that comes along with the whole program which weighs a mere 4mb. And that's the size of a typical mp3 file if you need a comparison. Other reviews also reported that they can load web pages faster than IE. Haha.. Now I feel like I'm writing a mini review like those featured on CNet.com. Umm.. maybe I could enter into this line in the future. Hey! How bout food review? That, definitely would be a better choice! Muhahaha..

As the title suggests, I'm feeling a little frenzy at this point of time. The same problem. The same people. The usual thought. And I just hate it so much. I would like to imagine my life right now if I had not received Jesus Christ when I was 16. Could I have been a much jovial person now? Even the wisest couldn't tell. Every single shit in my life somehow has a link with God, the supposedly author and perfector of life. Beetin told me that God will give me the answers I want someday and this comforted me for a while. But what if the answers are to be revealed like 5 days before I die? Or maybe 6 days? Beetin always emphasizes that Father knows best even when we face certain shit in life. But I would wonder that God need not take such measures to train our patience. If He loves us, why can't He just tell us face to face? Why make us wait? Waiting only depresses me. And when it reaches my limit, I'll start to lose faith. Then the faith perish.

Friday, September 03, 2004

ohh my tian;

I think I just screwed up my DMDW paper! I think I'm gonna fail! Ahhhhhhhh

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

crazy GNC drug;

I'm feelin really drained out. The GNC weight gainer must be the culprit! It tires me and causes dizzy spells. Side-effect? Afraid so.

I've been going to landridge after school lately. It's a quiet place where I can rest my soul, abstain from playing warcraft and downloadin hilarious porn. Anyway, that place is really cool! It's spacious and the neighbourhood is filled with much k-type girls. Anybody knows what k means? Haha .. But the place is rather spooky at night. Well you see, I'm alone down there and the dark corridors give me the creeps. And that isn't the first time I feel that way. It's scary shit. Reminds me of the corny scary movie.

Had dinner with L.P, P.J and M.K just now. Just realised that there's an even crazier person in church than myself. Anyway, I honestly think that he's an ego maniac. Ok, a hardcore attention seeker maybe. He has bad english but still tries to show off, which is pretty pathetic. He seemed to have lost his mind. His mental state of condition is probably 2.54 times worse than mine. Prideful people are the hardest to deal with. They shut their ears, refusing to listen or heed good advice, and continue shitting on their pants day by day. It's really sad. I can't seem to help him thought I really tried to. I restrained myself from pissing him off during our conversations. He had beaten Eunice hands down. Incredible!

Monday, August 30, 2004


I'm so bored. I want a girlfriend! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Sunday, August 29, 2004


I woke up this moning really early. Yes, 6.45 a.m. It felt good, to sacrifice to God. Then I gave Christina a morning call. Fancy me doing that. Went for 8 a.m service and thus inevitably skipped children church. Really missed the kids. I wondered if they missed me too. Gene and Mei helped to distribute the cds to the rest. I hope I was doing the right thing though it seemed I was pirating copyrighted music. Muahah .. I wanted to encourage the rest, just as the songs have ministered to me.

I rushed to cineleisure after the semon and was pleasantly intrigued by this really bedazzling contestant - Tanya. She was drop-dead gorgeous, and really resembled Evelyn. Too bad she was attached. LOL Woo! I sang wonderwall by oasis and knew I'd picked the wrong song. It was terrible. Probably the worst performance to-date. Calvina and Esther were around too. Chatted and laughed with Esther while waiting for our queues. Ha.. We managed to take a photo also. =D

I kinda like my hair. Muhahahaha!

Saturday, August 28, 2004


received a warning letter from sp
mum came into my room and pissed me
i'm super sian
but i jus don't care ..
muhahahaha !!

she complained that i'm seldom at home
and i'm always returning home late
wee hours? not always
but does she know why i hate home?
maybe she doesn't
how could she ever know?
but surely i can't tell her rite?
i can't tell her that i hate the sight of shawn and
i'm so very upset when i see my both parents quarrelling
i mean, how can i ever share that?
these are somethings so deeply hidden

i don't hate responsibility
but i'm always fearful when i have no control over what's gonna happen
and many times, i just couldn't take that pressure
sometimes i feel like slaughtering someone
oh yes, the demons know who he is
but i struggle when the grace of Jesus shines
you know you have to love
and that's the hardest part

bee told me that she prayed for me
and she also said that God will give me the answers I need
i really trust her; i do
and i anticipate that moment dearly
i know one day i'll understand
and fully glimpse the love of Jesus

Friday, August 27, 2004

what dee fark;

I dreamt I had sex! OMG!! This is maddness! I'm surely not that deprived huh?!?!? Muhahahahahahahahahahahahaha =D

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

fuck off everyone;

everyone except jonathan, the maid and my two grandparents.

mum if you aren't appreciating dad's companionship, jus file for divorce.

dad, if you think you're workin too hard outside and mum hasn't enough time for you, go get a women outside; i seriously won't care

shawn, i'll fuckin punch if you're rude to me. i swear i'll make you bleed.

i hate home. fuckin bitch
give me da break;

I'm having second thoughts about singing that banana song. Anyway, competitions like these no longer consume me like before. No doubt it's operated on a basis of a nation-wide scope.

I'm tired right now. So many things perpetually hopping around in my head. God, church, studies, assignments, school, friends, parents, silblings, home, myself, my unyielding pre-conceived idealogy, my innate fluctuating mind-blustering nature, and the supposedly law firm 1st warning letter which I received yesterday. I need a break. I want to travel overseas, be away from home for a little while. And doing stuffs that I've never done before. I'm tired. How I wish life is like a computer that has a restart button. You push the button and hear the beep that signaled the new birth of a system. Cool huh?

Beetin and P.KC has been showing alot of concern to me lately. Bee has talked to me and P.KC has been wanting to catch up with me. Subconsciously, it intensifies the guilt within me. I know I will not be able to their expectations, or to God's standard at this moment, for that matter. And I'm reluctant to try. I'm tired. Loving God seems so easy to some people. They're joyful and so full of vibrance. Sometimes when I ponder, I feel that I am created with all the conflicting attributes. I wish I have the heart of James. More motion, less emotion.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


My assignments are killing me!!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Muhahahaha !!!

Ha! I received a call informing me that I've qualified for the semi finals of rhapsody! It isn't really a BIG-BANG surprise kinda thing to me though! But hurray! =D Now, I have a little problem here. The semi-finals is being held on this sunday at 11a.m and it's gonna clash with service. Hence, I'll have to either skip 10.30 service and attend the 8 a.m one instead. Man.. I hate this! What about children church? Give it a miss? Wait a minute. Umm..

Went to study with Meng Hwee at Holland Village BK just now. We were supposed to study but ended up talking crap more than what we were there for. Muhahaha! Our all time favourite topics include pretty girls, ugly girls, fat girls, girlfriends, sex, weird sex, titts, drugs, flings, clubbing and definitely MORE sex! Alas! What a friend I'm blessed with! But I LOVE it! Oh mi gosh!! =P

I've decided to sing Banana Phone for this coming second round. In case you're wondering - yes - Banana Phone is the assclown song done by the dubbed Banana Man whom was featured on Singapore Idol episode 2! Muhahaha! It'll be so exciting! Maybe I should mask myself or something! I'm so crazyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

This is sooooooo spastic !!! The lyrics goes like this ..

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone

I've got this feeling
so appealing
for us to get together and sing - SING!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
Donana phone

It grows in bunches
I've got my hunches
Its the best
beats the rest
cellular modular

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping
Ponana phone

Its no baloney
It aint a phony
My cellular
Bananular phone

Don't need quarters
don't need dimes
to call a friend of mine
dont need computer or tv
to have a real good time
I'll call for pizza
I'll call my cat
I'll call the whitehouse, have a chat
I'll place a call around the world
Operator get me beijing jing jing jing

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ying yang ying yang ying yang ying
Yanana phone
It's a real live mama and papa phone
a brother and sister and a dogaphone
a grandpa phone and a grandma phone too - oh yeah
my cellular bananular phone

This is so cool! Oh Mi Goshhh! The competition is held at K-Union, Cineleisure @ 11 a.m so do feel free to come and support me! Muahahah!! Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong !!

I watched the table tennis match today and was pretty disappointed that Li Jia Wei (our Singapore table tennis player) lost again. I guess she wasn't on form after yesterday's defeat by some korean loud-mouthed, butch-looking weirdo. She honestly could have won the match cus she had already won three games by the fifth game. All she needed was to win another set. But sadly she never did, to the disappointment of all who supported and had pinned high hopes on her. I was cheering and clapping for her infront of my tv and of course, cursing that weirdo at the same time. Korean players probably have this habit of intimidating their opponents by their hideous screeching. Umm.. It makes me wonder if they actually attend screeching classes before every game. *imevil* Anyway, Li lost in the end and my heart goes out to her. Poor girl. Sob sob .. I'll lend her my shoulders to cry on when she comes back to Singapore. =D

There was this girl whom messaged me in http://wholivesnearyou.com/ and wanted to know me. Hee.. Cheeky Kelvin. Anyway I browsed her profile and was awfully greeted with horror to learn that she resembles Stacie Ng! *fingers cross* =X Ha!

Designed it myself. Muhahaha!! Was too bored =D

Friday, August 20, 2004


There's life science test tomorrow and I've yet to study! *balls strunk* Consist of 20% of overall! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
She will be Loved

A new hit single by the Maroon 5! Fantastic!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Girls are Weirdos

There's this phenomenon that has been happening which leaves me rather preplexed lately. In this entry, I'll be highlighting one person in particular. You see, I got to know Jiahui through YunJiang and Girlfriend about 2 semesters ago. Although I was in a totally different class with all the girls, I have been on talking terms with Jiahui. Somewhat like a hi-bye friend. Ocassionally, we would strike vague conversations but recently, she has been ignoring me totally.

There're times when I happen to see her around and I would try to say hi. And everytime, it seems as if I'm invisible to her! I'm a ghost huh? I don't remember offending her whatsoever. But it's just weird that something like that is happening. I mean, I surely don't look that fugly. Or even if I do to some people, I'm certain that I'm generically pleasant to the eye. Anyone wanna beg to differ? Heee..

Monday, August 16, 2004

Not so fine afterall

I reenforce that again.
We're all fine

Lisa's birthday was about a week ago. It should be on the 11th if I have remembered the date correctly. I texted Stacie that day and told her to wish Lisa a happy birthday on my behalf. I was still somehow affected. Bitch.

Some days later, Meng Hwee told me that he had seen her in Chinablack partying with some guys. I wish she had consumed some fake ecstacy pills and died there. =X I'm kidding. There's still this provacative sentiment each time I'm reminded of her. Even when someone merely mentions her name. I don't hate her but I do not understand why I feel that way.

I overslept today and skipped children church and the 10.30 service. I'm supposed to play for praise and worship today and I'm feeling sore about the whole thing now.

I headed to city harvest church later in the afternoon after much persuation by Lide. And alike the previous sunday, I was welcomed and greeted with much warmth and hospitality. It really made my day. But more importantly, the sermon was helpful and have touched me. I even went up for altar call after that. I thank God for Lide and Kaifei. They were both very encouraging. There was a food carnival after that and we ate, took neo prints and fellowshipped together.

Back then, I was thinking about the youths in crystal. Jazlyn was really sweet. She texted me asking me I was fine. I can only smile when I read her message. And I really appreciate her for her concern. =)

I don't wish to be wet blanket but I have something to say. The youth isn't growing. At our rate, we can probably bring in a believer every once in 6 months. We can organize 10 thousand activities and nothing will probably happen. No revival, no nothing. Most us are dreaded by our personal problems. And we seriously do not have the conviction to believe that we can make a breakthrough. I see people quarrelling over petty issues. Cross ministry interferences are surfacing. And a chunk of problems that are totally uncalled for, such as telling a sister in church that you like her when you clearly know that this will only bring more harm to the community. Silly misunderstandings and the inability to accept one another for our personality and who we are, will only result in more misunderstanding. Fear creeps in. Insecurity creeps in. Resentment gradually manifest itself.

I really wonder if there's any significance when a brother or sister is slained during altar calls? Will he pick himself back and start living differently for God? Or is it just an emotional experience that has zero effect on what's gonna happen right after we step out of the sanctuary? That explains why I'm sometimes pretty reluctant to be prayed for by the pastors. My point here is: does these falling on the ground or shaking of hands or weeping lead to transformation ultimately? If the answer is no, then I'm afraid that we're just wasting our time doing what we're being told to do or expected to do. We're behaving like religious men - alike the pharisee in modern context.

I sense that Daniel is already burnt out. Wantian and Jiemin are probably too apathetic to do anything, other then coming for the regular meetings. Benny and Edwin are as dead as a tuna. If you're lucky, you'll only get to see them on Sundays. Sometimes, Liping would go home after service cus she feels that she couldn't fit in. I doubt Stacie cares alot for the people. You only see her talking to Wantian and her girls, some guys and probably no one else. Honestly, could she be bothered to find out whether Liping is doing well? Maybe I'm biased. But think about it.

I have an issue with church. It's up to an individual to conclude whether it's a worthless and senseless one. We're all entitled to our own opinions, aren't we? I feel that church has been perpetually emphasising about church growth. And it has made me feel that the reason why the numbers aren't increasing is because I am lazy. And I have to work harder. Because it is my job. My committment. Because Jesus loves me, I must bring people. I must love people. I must .. I must .. I must .. I just can't stress this enough. However, no matter how hard we try, there's no way newcomers will feel welcome admidst our fellowship. Let alone settling down. Do we really welcome someone who just joined the church and have received Jesus? Maybe outwardly we do, but not within our stone-like heart. I am guilty of this sometimes.

We're all behaving like religious people. But we have dampened the spirit of God who breaths in us. Because when we really love God, the fruits of the spirit will be evident. Otherwise, we're just an impersonator going through motions after motions. Youth power has reached its pitts during the last past few weeks. Sometimes I wonder why isn't Evonne coming? What about Benny or even Kelvin Lee? Perhaps in our hearts, we see our problems bigger than God himself. And each time we come together, we talk about problems. And it never ceases.

I'm highlighting something very real. Not because I'm flawless. But because the problem we are facing has the power to destroy the ministry. It's a foothold strongly rooted by the Devil. And the Devil is laughing at us right now. We have witnessed part of the reprecussion. It's only the beginning. The youth ministry is like a comedy to the Devil. But Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world. I rest my case.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Pink Poem

Is pink nice?
Is pink lovely?
Girlie it may be
But it's sweet as honey!

Look me in the eye
Tell me what you see
A stinky kinky panty
With a pinky dummy smiley

I'm not a pink fan
But as sure as can be
Pink makes me happy
And love me will thee

Okay, I have just written an abstract poem. Muhaha .. I was feeling bored and hence tried to entertain myself. But honestly, pink is really a nice colour! At least now I'm beginning to like it! Don't mistaken me for a faggot. Hey, what's a faggot anyway? Some kind of free extra value meal with chocolate chip topping? Muhaha .. See, I'm not that innocent. Pardon me. Seriously. But pink has been a girl's colour since the creation of mankind I suppose. I mean, which girl would fancy grey or some ugly shades commonly found in your fortnightly faces? None! But ever since the posuer era sprouted in the early 20th century, guys have started to like pink. That somehow explains me! Muhaha .. But guys never look sexy in pink. Sometimes, it becomes a pathetic turn off. And that could really hurt.

I went to Paradix Center for an audition today. It's called Rhapsody - a singing competition organized by the Cultural Activity club of NUS. I guess it's somewhat like Talentquest. Anyway, I joined to win prizes and hopefully get to make some new friends. I had an enriching experience when I joined Talentquest some months ago. I actually got to know STEVEN LIM there! Yes, he's the self-proclaimed Singapore hunk who resembles Luo Jia Liang and Daniel Chan. And he's also the street eye brown plucker who operates in the middle of Orchard Road. He's really cool! But apparently, some people (from what I've learnt from public forums) just dislike him for being a loser attention seeker. Well, he may be an assclown for all I care, but I honestly see him as a very sociable pal. I've talked to him a couple of times and he's really cute! Totally awesome! Anyway, back to Rhapsody. Rhapsody reminds me of sodomy. It kinda has the same pronounciation. What's sodomy anyway? Some sort of Boeing T-series aircraft? Haha .. I'm not that innocent after all.

Oh my gosh, I'm a monster. =D

Friday, August 13, 2004

Frenzy Classmates

I'm sticking with a bunch of crazy people everyday in school. Yes, as the title suggests, they are my classmates. *lightning strikes + thunder roars* The scariest thing is that they are actually crazy people and I've been gravely infected ever since we have became a class!! The disease is contagious. Highly infective! Reminds me of the deadly viral epidemic screened in Resident Evil and Dawn Of The Dead. Scary shit. I promise.

As most people would know, I was once a demure, principled, innocent and naive boy. Okay, maybe not innocent. Innocence is never a trait in my life. *Wild Laughter* But I was certainly naive (not shallow mind you) and comparably as sweet as a honey bee. *Eyes Blinkin'* I hope whatever that is happening is revertible!

Some of my pals smoke. I don't. I'm smart. However, not implying that they're stupid. I personally believe there're better methods to spending hard earned money. Let's execute some formulas and algorithms to understand the pockets of an average smoker. Say you spend $9.40 for a hard pack Marlboro Mentol Lights every two days, including the fact that your penniless friends will sometimes borrow a stick or two from you without even returning (which is usually the case if your pals are suffering from some third world country poverty condition), then you'll probably end up spending $141 a month because 9.40 X 12 gives you a totaly of 141! In a year's time, you will waste $1892! That includes the cigarettes purchased, an extra of $100 for a yearly lung infection checkup and a $100 fine for spitting on the floor. Now, imagine yourself waking up on every 1st of January, only to find $1892 beside your pillow! How wonderful would that be? *smilez*

My pals are bad robinhoods. I recently found out the reason why we're having excessive free food all the time like m&m chocolates and MARS candy bar. Self explainatory.

98.3276 % of the time, we'll be talking about girls and at the same time, discussing about their titts and shapely asses. It's probably a guys' thing. But I must admit that I'm guilty for being an active candidate in the discussions though. Muhahaha .. Once a while, we also gossip and bitch among ourselves. And it's awesomely amazing to actually realise that we guys do bitch as well! I always thought it was a girl's business. *grin*

The guys are also a bunch of sexually deprived lot who goes around touching people's chest and nipples. Wait! Caressing would be a more accurate term to describe such beastly behaviour. They also specialize in wedgie! Underwear fetish huh?! And you can never picture a guy friend of mine burning his own leg hair with fire in the middle of a mass lecture! How about flashing his big john around in class? Man, you seriously won't want to know the details.
Should I Lie?

Alright I know this sounds dumb. But I've promised my classmates to club with them tomorrow night. They were so happy when I agreed and I purposefully ought not to disappoint them or piss them off at the last minute by backing out. I was infamous for doing that kind of thing last time. Common sense. However, there is no way I can convince my parents to give me the green light. They dislike me visiting such places. As a matter of fact, it's not uncommon to associate such rowdy places with drugs, fat ugly women and gay sex. And they would probably not take any chances. My parents are like firewalls. Unless I can convince them that I'm staying over at some monkey's place to complete a project, I can dream on stepping into zouk! And of course partying hard with all my pals!! I'm not there for sex! No no! Cheap thrill? Umm.. Maybe. But then again, that's besides the point.

I can probably say something like ..

"hi mum, i'll be staying over at ben's place to complete a programming assignment. The deadline is on monday and we're running out of time because ben had his foot stucked in the toilet bowl for a week thus causing the delay!"

Ehhh .. That's not gonna work. How bout ..

"hi mum, i've been a mad boy in school and the teachers demanded that i stand by the door facing the wall for an entire night. won't be home mum ! sorry for any inconvenience caused. miss ya lots."

That's spastic. Big time. I need to think ! Arghhhh ..

"hi mum, won't be home tonight. the cops suspected that i was involved in a serial rapist case and they will be interrogating me till the next morning. seeya mum"

Or ...

"hi mum, i went to the zoo this fateful morning and the orangutans somehow captured me and took me as hostage. they're all really ferocious and i'm too afraid to escape. pray for me that i'll be able to return home safely tomorrow morning without any savage scratch marks on my private parts. nites mum."

This is totally insane. I hate to lie. Only morons and jackasses lie to their parents. Lying isn't cool at all. When you lie, guilt will set in. Then you will feel so devastated and regretful right after that, that you wanna torture and burn yourself with some red-hot iron bar. Insanity ! Dilemma ! SOS !

Thursday, August 12, 2004

HTML Headache
How do I adjust the spacing for carriage return ?! Arghhhh

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

:: Pink is Good ::

Alrite. Revamped. Again. New style. New attitude.

Pink goes pretty well with the white background. Though the text size is rather small, which probably would cause your eye to squinch a little. But I really like it overall. It's just perfectly undeniably sweet ! Talking about a sense of taste.

Monday, August 09, 2004

.: Singapore Idol :.

I just watched the first episode. Saw many of my friends in it. Christopher, Calin, Steven, David. Even Calin passed 2nd round. I failed. I'm so sad.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

.: Milo :.

I'm starting to fall in love with the Milo drink again. I just had two cups and both taste great. I mean, who doesn't like milo? LOL. Also, I used the chicky mug for my drink. It was the mug that Summer bought me for my birthday. I realise it looks really cute! Just like myself! Muhahaha ...

Quite honestly, there are a couple of people who told me that I'm cute. What's cute anyway? Ugly but adorable? Haha .. nevertheless, let me recall and list those people down. Heh =P

1) Summer
2) Gina
3) Liyi
4) Yun Jiang
5) Connie
6) Rui Jing
7) Li Luan
8) Linda
9) Jacq !!! (Muahhaha .. correct me if I'm wrong =P )
10) Amanda !!

Ha !! 10 candidates so far ! Way to go ! I'm so thick-skin ! Muhahaha !!

.: Moving :.

I guess we are really moving to Landridge. There have been some minor changes at home recently, apart from the kitchen toilet which had been recently fixed due to the flooring water leakage. First change and probably the most dramatic one - the refrigerator is empty. Even the power is shut off. Second change - some wirings in the hall have been removed and replaced. Arrangements are neater now that most wires have disappeared. Third change - some of the racks that faithfully support the television is missing.

Mum and Dad aren't around. Jonathan is missing too; he's probably with the two of them now. It's 2 a.m. I hate it when they're not home. It gives me the tendency to fuck my 2nd brother up if he messes around. I hate it. Simply. It sucks when I know I have to carry the full load of responsibility at home. I hate to take charge. Especially when he's around. I'm always afraid I might do something stupid, like stab him in the heart with a kitchen knife or a rusty razor. Ok, maybe a razor isn't that strong to pierce through. I envy the times when I'm younger. Back then, all I worry about are nothing more than submitting my homework on time and making sure that I don't miss my favourite programmes on tv. Life was simple, carefree and it made me happy. Right now, there're so many things that are on my mind that I must care. I wish I could shun them like an ill-bred moron. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I liken the human mind to a typical computer system. We perform different fuctions. We rationalize situations with certain logic and excute them. The main difference is that we can't reset ourselves unlike a computer. We continue to live on with our unerased past guilt and painful memories. There's certainly no way we can delete a variable in our head unless we genuinely forget about it. Our heads are just like the Maxtor 120Gb hard disks. The only definite way to wipe its data off the face of this earth is to burn it. That's probably why some people choose to die. Suicide, to be exact.

I'm penning an emotional entry. I hate it. It makes me say things that I'll only regret later. Half truths and one-sided descriptions that only make me look back a later and realise what a fool I had been. Bad. Stinky.

My 2nd brother is fucked up. He smokes and mixes around with bad company. He's a torn in my neck that I cannot remove. I hate to fuck him up. It makes me feel bad. But sometimes his attitude just boil my blood. I'm sad. He's my brother. I have to love him. That's where the struggle begins. You see my point?

I don't think many people will understand why am I writing so much of bullshit. People who lead comfortable and secure lifestyles won't understand. Note that I ain't wallowing in self-pity. I'm just stating an opinion. We are all entitled to our own opinions, aren't we? Alright, maybe once-crazy people like claudia or edmond will understand. They've been through crazy times and understood what it was like being crazy and depressed. Maybe Edmond didn't experience the crazy part. Maybe he did. But he doesn't appear so, at least to me.

We are all afraid of crazy people, aren't we? Sometimes the crazy people are afraid of themselves. Because they tend to think that they are normal. Like myself. Perhaps I ought to change that frenzy mentality of myself. Being frenzy isn't something socially acceptable. That explains the existence of mental hospitals. Okay, I'm being dumb.

Bleh .. Bleh .. Bleh .. Bleh .. Bleh .. Bleh .. Bleh ..

Friday, August 06, 2004

:. Gwen :.

Saw her today outside fc6. But something just withheld me back from saying hi. She was talkin to a guy. Seemed attached. Damn.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

.: A New Beginning :.

I headed to Suntec City for a job interview at Life Bookshop after school. Upon enquiry, I realise that part-timers are paid pretty well. They call it the premium. Anyway, they said they would contact me again if I'm selected for the job. Working in a bookshop is probably one of the better jobs a youth can find nowadays. Forget about Coffee beans or the Coffee Connoisseur; you slough like a cow and the bosses there pay you peanuts. Pathetic.

Summer's over. Note that I ain't refering to the season that marks the geographical climate. Not that ! Haha .. Some people have been talking and teasing me about it. Stacie and her gang call it the Season joke. They would go like, "so what's the season this time?", as they hide their cheeky grins beneath their faces. Edmund would go like, "Summmmerrr !" He turns me off at times. He really does. Anyway, she has since stopped texting me after I told her that it was better that we remain as friends. What's the big deal about it anyway? Okay, there're some things a guy like myself would never understand. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

There's this mini charity fair going on outside food court 6 and I was browsing some of the stores yesterday when I came across and stopped by one store that sold ear rings. The person tending the stall happened to be this girl from business I supposed. She had this stylish eurasian look and was wearing a low-cut, so naturally the monster within me ... ehh .. (I decline to elaborate further) Anyway, I was looking for guitar pick-like ear rings and asked her whether she had them. Unfortunately, she said those had been sold out a short while ago. Damn ! I smiled, thanked her and politely walked away. Well, that actually gave me an excuse to visit her the next time! So today, I went over and asked her the same question. And again, this time she gave me the same reply. The conversation went like this, though I stuttered alot cus she was somewhat different ..

kevin : hi do you have the pick-like ones?
girl : you mean the pink ones? over here ..
kevin : no, ermm.. i mean the ones that has the guitar pick
girl : oh somebody bought them a few minutes ago
kevin : ummm .. so will you be there tomorrow again?
girl : i don't think so .. but maybe i will ..
kevin : so do you think you can like reserve it for me or something?
girl : i'm not sure ..
girl : hey, wat's your name ?
kevin : oh .. kevin
girl : hi i'm gwen !

We both smiled. I went off shortly later. Alrite, I know what you're thinking. But please, for goodness sake, don't nickname me a bastard. Basket is fine with me though. LOL.

Lide gave me a birthday treat yesterday. It was an extremely humble treat cus we met at Burger King and he bought me an ice-cream sundae. Frankly, the so called cake was a turn off. Nevertheless, I still appreciate him. Darn! I am still reminded of the wedgie prank my friends played on me on the 29th. It tore my Hush Puppies underwear. Dammit.

Summer and myself

Ahh .. This photo is taken about 3 days ago. She's pretty sweet lookin here yea? Nice eyes.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

.: Fuck you dammit :.

I caught my second brother meddling with my Palm top at the living room. He was like browsing some photos and diggin into it. I was so pissed. So what even if he found it lying on the sofa? It still didn't give him the fucking right to turn it on and see what's inside. Fuck him man. And he gave me this stupid lame excuse that it was on the sofa so he turned it on. Fuck him again. Why was I so cool just now? I should have just fucked him hard on the spot. Okay, maybe that a weakness in me - My sluggish response ! I'm buring in anger ! I feel like punching his face to teach him to respect people's privacy. I didn't browse his folders lor. And he sheepishly smiled. Fuck him three times. I swear I'll slit his throat the next time he touches my stuff. I'm behaving more like Satan and I'm enjoying every second of it.
.: Wishful Weekend :.

Was feelin rather eccentric yesterday so I went to write a song. Needless to say, it's a dumb song. Anyway, here goes ! Gee =P

I like the way you wake me up at sunrise
Messed my hair and tell me that it's alright
Feel the bluey sky and breeze that move before me
I'll be there by your side

Don't take me as your little baby brother
I'm cuter than your dusty old pink panther
I'm a green ogre but you're not Cinderella
Tuck me in by your side
Cus I feel love when you're near

It's your soul that makes me fall in love
With you everytime
There's something bout' the way you're breathing
Are you wishin that I'm right beside you
Holding your hand
But sadly this is nothing but a wishful weekend

You are indescribable
But that doesn't stop me
Or push me away
You are so incredible
But there's something more to love
Now you'll see

It's your soul that makes me fall in love
With you everytime
There's something bout' the way you're breathing
Are you wishin that I'm right beside you
Holding your hand
But sadly this is nothing but a wishful weekend

Saturday, July 31, 2004

.: Pain .. :.

I'm running a fever. My faithful thermometer reads 36.7 degree celsius. But I feel feverish. Oh gosh. Tonight will be bad night. I never get to sleep well on a day like that. I'm dizzy too. And my stomach feels uncomfortable. I feel so helpless. Oh gosh.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was the best and worst one of all. What was so depressing about it was that I actually stayed at home the entire day because I was stricken by fever and food poisoning. All thanks to the food I had at Han's the night before. I slept almost the entire day. Maybe half - when I got up to meddle with my computer, then go back to sleep again. Life was miserable. I vommited 3 times between 3 a.m to 7 a.m the night before and even dirtied my parent's room with .. ermm.. ya. It was distressing, especially the puking part. It feels like you're forcing your lungs out of your mouth. The best part of it was that I actually humbled myself and cried out to God when it became unbearable. I had not acknowledged Him for almost a month. And this day, I called upon His name and prayed for healing and support - because I knew I couldn't survive on my own. An excruciating situation like that revealed to me a glimpse of truth - I simply can't live on our own. I am not as noble and mighty as I thought I am. I may think that I can live alone without Him, but ultimately, the truth is that, I am meek. Even the secular world agrees that no man is an island. So, I was really glad that I invited Christ into my life again. It wasn't an emotional decision though there're certain issues I've yet to resolve. That, I'll leave it till I completely recover from my fever and stupid food poisoning. Upon recalling those moments, the feeling of helplessness appears just too real to deny. When you're beaten and alone in bed, earnestly hoping that your body would get better, you would then realise that you have totally no power over what will happen next. Your condition might worsen the next hour. You may die the next minute. It's fearful, isn't it? Through this experience, God didn't show me Himself. Instead, I was taught that I can't live alone. And I'm grateful to have learnt something from a tough lesson like that. I must say it was one of the best birthday present I have ever received.
.: Oops :.

Mum lectured me for buying a pair of $29.90 Teva slippers. Oops ! bleh =P

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

.: Affected :.

I'm sad. I don't know how to react. It seems so easy yet difficult at the same time. All I wanted is someone who I can share my heart with. I'm not seeking a cheap fuck. I'm just me, a human. Susceptible to any joyful or hurtful feelings. What should I do?

Monday, July 26, 2004

.: Some Photos To Share :.

My Mum's ! Narcissistic huh? Afraid not !

Wantian & Darren - Another couple photo huh? bleh =P

Vainpot - undeniable !!

Eugene looked sleepy .. watched soccer last night ? *haA!

I AM FAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My going-to-be-rotten shoes ! Someone can buy me new shoes for my birthday ! bleh =P

Darren poseur shoes ! BIG and BUILKY !!

Poseur shot from an angle ..

Eddie with 2 !

Volley Ball Fever .. Way to Go !!

No eating in class NICHOLAS !!

" I don't care leh " *munch munch munch*

New hair dude !

Edmund - the legendary  gay Lord !

My eyes can emit laser ! I can give you free Lasik treatment ! Muhahah .. *evil laugh*
.: Dirty Old Man :.

I went swimming at Clementi Swimming Complex during one of my breaks. I was amazed that I could actually swim 20 laps. Anyway, that was beside the point. So while I was cleaning up in the changing room, I noticed this old man sitting at the side watchin the guy in front of me changing. He was naked obviously. And I tried really hard to keep both my eyes to myself. But dear Mr old man was happily gazing across, probably fantasizing in his mind upon the majestic scene before him. I was disgusted. So I took all my stuffs and made my way to the end of the changing room, hoping to escape from his horny, beasty, savage, lusty clutches. And guess what ?! Mr D.O.M (Dirty Old Man in short) actually headed over to my area and treaded around. If I had a gun, I would have put 7 bullets into his head. But unfortunately, I didn't have one. So I pretended to dry myself before actually changing into my clothing, hoping that he would return to where he originally seated. Thankfully, he did. But I could sense occassional stares from that monster. This time, he pretended to read some articles he took from his bag. And as quick as lightning, I changed to my new wear. Dramatic huh? LOL. And as expected, as I walked past him to the exit, he glued his eyes at me.

This is the second time I encounter such perverse situations. Next time I go swimming, I'll bring along a dick-castrator. SPARE NO MERCY !!

Saturday, July 24, 2004

.: Cloud No. 9 :.

That's where I'm standing right now. =P

Thursday, July 22, 2004

:: Cool Shit ! ::
I was browsing the MY PICTURES folder when I came across some of the nastiest, meaniest pics ! Check them out ! Cool shit ! LOL

William Hung - The True Authentic American Idol !

Some bodybuilder ! Reminds me of Arnold ! Scary Shit !

She's has a nicer smile, at least. Muhahaha ..

Super Power Biceps ! Can you match to that ?!

GAY KISS !! Yum Yum .. taste good !! Can I try ? LOL

Of course, there're always the exceptions ! Muhahahaha ..

Sweetie Jasmine Trias ! Note that mega-watt smile ! (She's wearing braces I think)

Chris Martin from Coldplay ! He's cool dude !

Singapore's favourite comedian - Gurmit Singh !! (I like that cute mole !!)

Another not-so-innocent pic of Willian Hung ! Muahaha !! SUAVE !!

Pretty Kirsten Dunst from SpiderMan. (I'll find a girlfriend who looks like her.. Haha ..) 

Not forgetting my favourite - Summer ! *grinz* =P

:: Myself ::

When I really set my heart to do something, I do my best and hope that things work out. Otherwise, I wouldn't have started anything in the first place.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

:: Tentatively ::

We just don't click, somehow. PS: I'm not busy all the time.

:: Have a kit-kat; Have a break ::

This week is only the 3rd week of the semester and it feels like so many things have been taught but I have not learnt. Oh man. That's totally different from Year 1 or 2 ! And the worst thing is that I'm a lazy bum who loves to procrastinate. Haha .. But I'm smart enough to do well for the overall module. LOL. The only place I can study is either school or some fast food restaurant downtown. Home is virtually impossible. The computer, the guitar, the keyboard, the handphone, the television, the cozy bed - They can really kill.

I didn't go for evangelism today. What relief! I was curious why Wantian was at Westmall when she was supposed to meet the rest. There's bible study tomorrow. I'll make it my last one. Maybe not? I don't know. Fellowship? I was touched when Joshua rang me to tell me that he had the fellowship programmes all planned out. Maybe he should take over me. At least, he has a willing heart. I believe Eugene has a willing heart too. God will keep them. As for me, I'm lukewarm. And I've been in this state for several months. He will spit me - but I won't have to wait for that day - fortunately. I feel like an impersonator. A goody-two-shoes Children Church teacher. I ought to be pronounced as a literature teacher or something. I suppose there're more constructive things I can do rather than struggling with God all day long.

People will talk about me, pinpoint my lackluster, my deficient reasoning. Whatever. I don't wish to further explain.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

:: G.o.d or D.o.g ::
There's evangelism tomorrow and I'm so reluctant to go. I'm happy yet sad at the same time. But I'm certain my decision will pay off. I will not subject myself to spastic rules or regulations. Those days of struggle are over. False spirituality only complicates the mundane things we do. It makes loving a person so complex. It sucks, totally. It makes a person dull. It contributes to my perpetual struggle. It makes me stupid.
So right now, I will just say, "God, seeya."

:: Summer ::
I think I really like her. She's cute and nice and most importantly, she's sweet !

Sunday, July 18, 2004

:: Photo Share ::
Some recent photos to share !

Starring Soon Keong (the notorious korean AV pornstar wannabe) with Kenneth at his side ! 

Candid shot of Wantian during bible study. Check out her cheeky smile. *scares me off* oOps haha..

Javen - the official macdonald lover !
Pretty girl - sarah !


Darran & Gene - cool pose huh ? bleh =P

Justea - one of my favourite flavours ! Yum Yummy !

Saturday, July 17, 2004

:: My Enemy ::
I didn't intend to go for fellowship today. But somehow I still went. It has been a regular weekly routine and I find it hard to change it. Meet the people, have fun, pray then head for dinner together. Deep down, I enjoy it. Is it an issue with God or His people? Or simply myself?
I don't hate church. I love meeting people, laughing, talking to them and assisting them whether by works or words of encouragement in every way that He permits. But I always compare myself to others. I feel that people around me are just happier than myself. And when I fail to comprehend, I blame God for my life. I walk in circles, very much similiar to a Y = Sine X graph. Dumb isn't it?
I am my worst enemy.
:: myself ::
I have thrown half the triumph card yesterday. It was a daring move and I've expected for this day to come. No one should be surprised about it, especially myself. It feels like an cancerous epidermic blood sucking plauge. Like a bed bug which bites a little every night.
I was the only person present for Wednesday evangelism this week. It was disappointing to be waiting, only to realise at the end that no one was actually coming. Just you and your pastor. I went out of obligation. I didn't have a heart to share Jesus; I didn't know who Jesus was really. But I still met Jeff. We did a survey with one fellow near the study area and spent the remaining time talking. Well, resolving issues in precise. Everything was fairly helpful. But I realise that I can never live a life based on the convictions of others. It wouldn't work.
Or maybe I should grap a copy of The Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis.
:: Revealed ::
I finally told Connie about it. About what's going on amidst the complication. In fact, it isn't really complicated at all. No weird or messed up entaglements. Just heartfelt tangible feelings. Remaining as buddies could be best for both of us. I mean, I really like her. Her diligence, personality and especially her lighthearted composure. She's more than attractive, in that sense already.

Friday, July 16, 2004

:: Songs ::
There are two songs that I have been listening to alot these days. The first one is titled The Ghost Of You by Michael Learns To Rock. Although it's another sappy overcommercialized lovey-dovy song, I fell in love with the melody almost immediately the first time I heard it. The second song is titled Nothing Else Matters, sung by Metallica. Contrary to its image of heavy music and loud tattoos, this soulful song depicts an array of self-reliance.
The Ghost Of You
Summer's ended and without a trace
Time goes by - while you remain
Funny how I thought I walked on through
With my heart in one 
Why do I still cry for you?
Dying to get close to you
Why do I still fear to face the ghost of you?
How I tried to get you of my mind
But you return - all the time
I believed I could just let you go
Like the fool I am 
Why do I still cry for you?
Dying to get close to you
Oh baby why do I still fear to face the ghost of you?
I've been trying to release you
To get my feet back on the ground
Still I need my hope to hold on to even if
I know i should back away
It's just a part of me that I can't erase  

Nothing else matters
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

:: Something to think about :: 
I have not been rather active bloggin these day. Some nights, I would feel too lazy even when there are some stuff that makes me wanna pour out. But nevertheless, here's another entry. Yes, by me. 
To blog and publish what you write online is really some thing. Some people blog because they want people or their friends to read about them. It enchances their lifestyle by revealing the good side of them, so to speak. Infact, some people hardly pen down their deepest emotions. I have this friend who owns two blog. A private and public one. And I honestly think that's so dumb. People are just writing stories for others to read. My point here is, people write stories and but not 100% factual stories about themselves. And about that two-bloggies friend I mentioned earlier, I believe it can be quite tough making out what stories to write where.
The irony is, sometimes I find myself doing that too.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Summer Again !

Met her at the lobby while heading to another class. She was as cute as usual while I looked really shitty. We exchanged numbers ! Haha .. Anyway she told me I was cute, which was really cool. I sense that she likes me. Haha ..

Monday, July 12, 2004

Mixed Feelings

It gets me down time and time again. I'm tired of everything. I hate home. I'm ungrateful. I'm self centered. And I'm not gonna give a fuck about anything else anymore. I still hate her. I detest her. I hate myself. I hate what I have. I hate what I lack. I hate love. I hate my soul. I hate my existence. I have every right to hate. I don't understand Your plans. And I doubt I ever will. I hate you for being invisible. I hate You for giving me the talent to sing. I hate You for placing me where I am. I hate you for making me the way I am. I hate You for giving me a heart. I hate You for breathing life into me. I can't see. I try. But the vision fades each day. I struggle. I thrive. I fought for a hope. I wish everyday would be a better day. I prayed to know You more. I prayed to love you more. But still I can't see. Still I can't understand. Still I can't understand everything that's happening. I hate You for giving me people who care. I hate You for giving me people who love. I hate myself because I will let them down. Because I fall at the end of the day. Because I stumble, climbed again, prayed again and finally fall once more. I hate the cycle of going back to you with an unrepentant heart. I hate walking in circles. I hate myself for telling you I'm sorry each time I stray. I let people down. I bad-mouthed my friends. I kill in my heart. I lust in my soul. I hunger for my own glory. I fight for myself. I hate for the wrong reasons. And I hate You for loving me. Because I won't be able to be that perfect person you want me to be.

A note from a daughter to mom

The following is extracted from an email I received a week ago. I thought it was pretty amusing, hence I've decided to share.

>A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished
>to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
>Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the
>center of the bed. It was addressed,
> "Mom."
>With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read
>the letter with trembling hands:
>Dear Mom,
> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
> you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I
> wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
> I've been finding real passion with John and he is so
>nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and
>his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
>passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will
>be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods
>and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He
>wants to have many more children with me and that's
>now one of my dreams too.
>John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone
>and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends
>for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
>In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for
>AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!
>Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
>to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be
>back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
>Your daughter,
>PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the
>neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that
>there are worse things in life than my report card
>that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call
>when it is safe for me to come home.

Sunday, July 11, 2004


I was rather taken aback when Edmond told me that it had been encouraging to see me around in church despite all my struggle and frenzy moodswings. In fact, there're several times this week when I actually thought of doing otherwise. I am exhausted, beaten spiritually. But I guess most people do not see it this way. Probably I have not been crying or sulking as much as before in church. Okay, that's not really the point. I have only myself to blame. I'm lazy sometimes, ill-disciplined sometimes, indifferent sometimes, moody sometimes and comtemplative sometimes. And I'm seriously too apathetic to even do anything about it. That sucks.

I was feeling rather low today during fellowship. Everything felt like a motion. The ice-breakers, the songs, sermons, games, refreshment and so forth. But I was really encouraged when Vincent joined. Pastor Jeff and Liping spoke to him during evangelism last Wednesday and the Lord has blessed. Somehow it seems so clear to me that when man is faithful, God will be faithful too. But yet, I sometimes fail even to grapse the subtle truth. It really annoys me and makes me feel like gollum. It feels like a man with two brains, each with a different set of desires and agendas existing altogether. It just doesn't make sense. And God had mentioned that He will spit out those whom are lukewarm.

I realise many things about the ministry today, which makes me reluctant to just take the easy way out by throwing the 'fuck-it triumph card' and to heartlessly walk out of those who really love and had spent time with me. The person I'm most grateful to is Pastor Kian Cheng. He had been the person who saw me through after I ended my first, stupid, childish, nonsensical, and very much forbidden relationship. He's the only pastor whom I have cried so badly before. And He has been like Jesus to me. It's a hard thing to fanthom, really. But still, I thank God for him.

Dad left for China just now for his business trip. He should be in the plane now. I prayed for him; journey mercy. Sometimes I wish to just tell my Dad that I love him no matter what he thinks. But there's always this stupid self-imposed barrier that holds me from taking the second step. Although we aren't really close as father and son, I still wanna thank God for him. Although Dad pisses me off at times, hurry me home all the time, only asks me about my studies and nothing else, I still love him. At times, I just wish to share the gospel with him but the fear of rejection would hold me back. Despite all his ruggedness, I believe he's nevertheless someone whom God would want to reach out to. How can I selfishly deprived him from God's love? But I'm too afraid, and this, feels so real.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Summer Time !

I'm going skating tomorrow! Inline-skating to be precise. Inline-skating? What's that? Well, it actually has the same meaning with the term blading, which most people are more familiar with. Till today, people are still making the same mistake by referring that sport to blading or roller-blading. Rollerblade is a brand, not a sport.

Today was the last session of the vocal class. We each performed a song, which was assessed by the director of the school. I was the only student who scored an A grade. But I strained my throat pretty badly while singing the song Swear It Again by Westlife. It all went pretty cool! I can finally sing a westlife song at its original key! Bravo! *clap clap* Now I'm comtemplating whether I should carry on the lessons to the next term. The fees are pretty costly. The best thing that happened to me is knowing Aaron and Jasmine. They're really cool people to mix with.

I have been thinking about Summer the entire day today. I just realised she's actually pretty sweet-looking. She has that pixie look. And she appears to be a very friendly, jovial, fun-loving person. The first time I saw her was about a month ago at Scotts Shopping Centre. I was heading to Hollywood Secrets when I noticed someone watching me from a shop (I'm really sensitive to girls looking at me cus I think that I'm not too bad looking). Ha! Well, I thought she looked familiar so I went over, smiled and checked her out. And she happened to be a student from SP! Infact, she's doing I.T too! Haha .. We said hi and exchanged a little. It was a pretty snappy chat. I was too shy to do anything then I supposed. As a matter of fact, I didn't even think of anything. I saw her again in school yesterday. While climbing the stairs, I noticed her but I pretended that I did not. But little did I realise that she actually tapped me and said hi! At that moment I really felt like a dick, a loser in fact. I wished I had offered to exchange numbers or something. Damn. LOL.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Summer !

She's cute ! OMG OMG !!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Bitch's Best Friend

I had a dream last night. In that dream, I saw myself in a canteen buying some food when I noticed herself, her best friend - Stacy, together with some other friends walking towards the entrance. Unthinkly, I shouted her name but my voice was drowned by the noises around. I tried again, and again. And this time, Stacy looked back and saw me. She uttered something, which made me very furious (I can't remember what exactly she had said). I started to ridicule and called her Bitch's Best Friend.

What a feebleminded dream.

Monday, July 05, 2004

Okie Dookies

School has already started and it's stress time ! Today's the first day of school and I actually woke up late, hence missing the first lecture. I need to start tweaking my sleeping and night habits. No more late night msn chatting or Unreal Tournament. And guess what? There's also morning prayer meeting every tuesdays to fridays. And I have to be present at 7.15 a.m in school, which I used to think was pure insanity. Fancy a poly student waking up the same time as a secondary school student. The thought of it is madness. 100%. But I learnt something from May Eng's prayer yesterday - Let every indifference turn to a passion and every inconvenience to a sacrifice. It was a really heartfelt prayer and it moved me. Okay, so I shall turn in before 11.30. Fair ?

Mixing with my bunch of pals in school gives me alot of exposure to many things that I hardly do. Cigarettes come in very handy, given the fact that most of my pals smoke. Say, a handful of 8 or 9 people in class. Vulgarities automatically become an extensive part of our vocabulary. Instead of using superlative adverbs, we subsitute them with the renowned fuck. It's a bad profanity when used elsewhere, but in school it just seems .. somewhat different. There's always this stupid conception that people who abstain from those languages are uncool or geeky, for that matter.

Junie sent me an sms about a week ago. In that message, she asked me why was I appearing in her dreams all the time. A rhetorical question that is, of course. But it's really weird to receive a message like that out of the blue. And the bedazzling thing was that I actually dreamt of her a day after. Dumb huh? The same day, I also dreamt of Shane from Westlife ! In that dream, I was trying to take a photo with him. Then he kinda ran away and I started to chase. Finally, I landed into this aisle. And when I opened the door, I was startled by the world of the elves. Haha .. that reminded me of legolas from The Lord Of The Rings. Lol. My dreams are very stupid.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Tada !

There're so many things I wanna say but I haven't got the time to pen them down.

School will officially start tomorrow! It's time to gear up to get my potential grades I deserve. No more slacking. Realised that Stacie had made it to her Singapore-based Australian Monash University. I feel happy for her. Then I suddenly thought about myself, my future studies and the stuffs that I hope to do after I graduate. I really wish to do mass communication. So I better get my grades this semester to qualify. But should I enter into that arena in the first place? Pastor BianHin has been warning me about this. Is it a matter of heeding his instructions or guidelines (if I would to interpret it this way) ?

Okay, I'll write more stuffs tomorrow. Tired. Back from Janan's place. I realised I ate the most during dinner. Jazlyn's nice to tease. Hehe. Nice girl to be with. =P

Friday, July 02, 2004

Farewell Dinner

We celebrated our farewell dinner at Beetin's place this evening. The best thing about Beetin's place is the pleasant and cozy ambience that her bright and modern hall offers. It gives off a very comfortable sensation. Well, Beetin is a full time staff and her husband is a HGC leader. That probably explains how blessed her home is. Ha !

I want a blessed home too ! Okay, I'll go find a full time staff too. Gees ..

I just realised I can make a wonderful house-husband. The society usually associate guys with infeasible ambitions, luxurious apartments and 3 inches thick gold chains. But quite honestly, I feel that it's important for a guy to know how to cook, change baby diapers and crack lame jokes. Alright, maybe not the second one. But guys seriously need to play apart in fostering love and care at home.

I'm digressing again. So what happened earlier was that I actually went shopping with Wantian to buy the cards and gifts at Orchard. It was really enjoyable going out with her. No pressure, no weird lovey-dovey feelings, just plain fun. And lotsa teasing and gossiping too. Haha ! We can talk about almost anything - love, sex, bgr, friends, food, shopping, church but with exception to the extreme explicit stuff of course. Heh .. And the screwy thing now is that she addresses me as Ryan ! And we're like mimicking Ryan and Crystal from the Pre-Primary ! How lame can that be man ! I'm like to be 19 soon and she's only 1 year my junior. Truly, it's unthinkable that we're still playing such games. LOL. *burst out in laughter*

Oops I digressed again. So after we bought the cards and gifts, we headed to Plaza Singapura to order dinner. Sometimes I really wonder why are the two of us always preparing all work, while the rest are just waiting to be served. I'm not being petty over here. What frustrates me most is that it seems like if Wantian and myself aren't gonna do the job, apparently nobody will. Maybe I'm being biased over here. Darn. Anyway, thank God that everything ran smoothly today. We ate pizza and KFC chicken and ended off sweetly with the giving out of the cards, gifts, some speeches and finally, a series of prayers.

Thank God !

Alright I'm cool

Haha ! I changed my blog template again. This time, it's more readable, clearer and simple. You need not strain your eyes to read those entries cus I've tweaked the letter spacings and line heights to making reading light and soothing ! Right ? Heh ..

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Metro Maze

It finally ended. Glad to have made some new friends from Charis. Got to know Angelin during the game. She was really cool, outspoken and easy-going. I was appointed controller over Charis Group 2 which consisted of Elizabeth, Wendy, Ting An and some other younger kids. Everything went rather well except that I made a really dumb mistake by leading them to the wrong station. Ha .. I was so so blur; I should have double-checked with my answer sheet which I held on to throughout the game. Thankfully, they were pretty understanding though they teased me. I enjoyed talking to Elizabeth quite alot. She was really warm. Charis people are a wacky and fun-loving bunch. Both centers are unique in their different ways. Nicholas came to join us also. He was the only person who turned up out of the 3 people I had invited. Pretty cool.

Wendy and Joe came to talk to me after I helped to take a photo of Eunice and themselves. They were pretty open people. Joe was funny. I tried to guess her name and called her Miss Bracey cus she had braces on. Ha .. Wendy proceeded to ask me about my S.I auditions and I was appalled that she knew about it. In fact, 6 people from Charis came to ask me about the auditions. It was amazing how news could spread so fast. Behold the power of word of mouth. Then Wendy requested that I sing. So I did. I guessed she liked it though it felt weird singing to someone I hardly know. It was cool anyway. Awesome indeed.

Perhaps Matthew isn't doing well spiritually. His behaviour pissed me off today. I ought to be more patient like Johovah God. Maybe I'll talk to him tomorrow. Like what Edmond had told me some weeks back, I see myself too, like a broken vessel that God wants to use. I'm not some super spiritual lighthouse but I'll try to encourage him. I'll see what I can do. No, it's what God can do through me. When Pastor Soo Chuan was preaching about God in the evening, his conviction touched me. I could almost see Jesus through this man. He seemed to believe so strongly that God was his everything. Right now, I only wish and pray that my eyes can be opened to comprehend the greatness of God's love. "God's love" by itself is just 2 words pieced together. But it takes a discerning heart to fully apprehend the true meaning of it. I long for that discerning heart. God says He'll give if I ask. Okay, I'll ask Him in my prayer before I turn in.

I returned home at about 10.30. I bathed and made pasta for myself. It was my first time fixing a prominent dish for myself but it tasted awful. I rate it 2.5 out of a scale of 10. It's not too bad for a first attempt I suppose. Ha .. I'll need a girlfriend who can cook well. Yes.

I caught a few glances at Ethel before and after the game. It could have been a good thing that I wasn't taking her group. Otherwise, I probably would have felt pretty awkward, trying to look good and all that male egoism bullshit. The irony here was that I took charge of Elizabeth and Evonne's group instead. Ha .. Ethel wore a pink and white horizontal stripe tee today. Sweet sight really. I didn't think she noticed me but I was stealing glimpees at her. She left shortly after the photo taking. I wished she had stayed longer.

I think I'm just addicted to cutie-looking girls. I can't explain it. Phenomenon yea? Heh ..

Wednesday, June 09, 2004


I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated .. I'm infatuated ..

Oh yes I am.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Singapore Hunk !

Steven Lim is strong ! He's cool ! He's macho and very 'HOT' ! On that night before the audition, I chatted with him and he revealed that he was about to create his own style of celebrity icon in Singapore. So I thought I could really help him by posting the link to his site here !

Enjoy. Don't laugh your ass off ! =P

I dreamt of her again last night. In my dream, she seemed so demure and pure. Something's wrong. I could have made it a wet dream (lol) but somehow I was very reserved while talking to her. I couldn't remember what exactly happened; I usually forget my dreams when I wake up.

The dream I had last night rolled like a old film. There were series of events and scenarios pieced together. My dreams are usually senseless and very humorous. That explains why I love to sleep so much. It feels like I'm in the movie that I create. Haha .. Yesterday, I also dreamt that I bought so much chicken rice that I went broke. Haha .. And I also dreamt that one of my teeth became so loose that it almost fell. Somehow, I landed in a conventinal train and was walking through the cabins when I saw Lisa. I then tried to call her name or something. Haa .. Sadly, that's all the details I can remember. Some of my dreams end quite abruptly. LOL.

Thank God I've clear the first round of the Singapore Idol audition which is technically referred to the screening round. I queued at about 8.30 p.m on Friday night and an unflattering thunderstorm broke out at 5 a.m. I was wet and in great discomfort. Shortly later, Jasmine came and brought us food. She was like so cute, wearing that attractive pair of pretty eyes ! Too bad she's attached. Haha .. Gurmit arrived and the Channel 5 TV crew were gearing up for the event. Everything was really cool except for the rain which ruined my hair, clothing, guitar and underwear. Arghh ..

We queued for about an hour outside the convention hall before we were stationed from the registration hall to the waiting hall and finally to the level where we were about to meet the judges. However, it was a panel of producers and music personnel instead. When I got into the room, I recomposed myself, introduced my song and sang a verse and chorus. And to my astonishment, I received feedback that I did well ! I was exhilarated and starting thanking God ! I finally received my verdict in the result room that I had qualify for the second round ! Overjoyed !

Though there were literally thousands of contestants, I really hope to make it to the top 100. It'll make me a happier person. *bLeahhzz*

Monday, June 07, 2004


Is blogging something that you write for others to see ? If so, I'm afraid it feels so dumb.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Singapore Idol

The idol fever strikes today !

Monday, May 31, 2004

Gay Terror

I went swimming in the morning and had a horrid experience. I think I'm still suffering from that tremor. Muhaha ..

It all happened after I showered myself in the changing room. I then went to fix my ear stud when I noticed that there was a middle-aged man who kept gazing at me from the reflection of the mirror. I was puzzled and uttered, "yes ?", while looking at him. He only smiled. And when I was about to leave, he appeared again time and I said bye to him.

So I began to walk out of the swimming complex to the nearby bustop when a car suddenly drove to my side and that same man popped his head out of the windscreen and offered to give me a lift ! My heart almost skipped a beat ! Thank God he drove off after that.

What an experience !

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Divine Intervention

I set my alarm the night before. And it rang promptly but not myself. I reached church at 11.15 and I could hear Silvia's voice as I briskly paced into the sanctuary. I found an empty seat near Daniel. And I also realised that May Eng was just seated a row behind me. Oops ! I remained as composed as I could. But I knew she had probably noticed me. Double oops !

The sermon was heartfelt and captivating everytime Silvia preaches. They never fail to interest me and I'm always very attentive whenever she's talking. Maybe it's the way she carries herself - confident, articulate, eloquent, sharp and veiled with modest humility. My top 3 favourite preachers are Silvia, May Eng and Beetin ! And I'm not being sexist here; I promise ! Haha ..

After the communion, May Eng came over asked me whether she could talk to me after service. I was dumbfounded for a second, but I found myself nodding my head unthinking. I can't handle abrupt situations very well you see. Haha .. After service ended, Edmond came over and asked whether we could talk. Shortly later, we shared over lunch and he encouraged and prayed for me. I thank God that at least someone cared. And I was really happy to see Jesus in him. Sometime later, Jonathan asked me to accompany him to Shell station to buy some stuffs and we shared along our way. I discovered that he is a brother who cares alot for the Youths and that earned my respect. Each time we talk, he would ask me if I was doing well. I could sense genuine care and concern. And he taught me that I also need to care for the younger ones in the Youth. Later on, I met up with May Eng and talked. I shared about my struggles as she patiently listened. I was encouraged at the end when she prayed for me. I was appalled because she was so loving and gentle.

My heart melted. Could God be telling me something today ?

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Bravo Survival Sentosa

It was a great day at sentosa. I invited many friends but sadly, none turned up. Probably they are too afraid to come because they see it as a church event. I guess most people are pretty reluctant to join such gatherings especially when we mention the name - church ! Okay, let's see. If I were an unbeliever, my notion of church would suggest a company of holy, extremely nerdy and super boring people, which is most certainly untrue. And this will somehow deter or in fact, dissuade me from joining the christian communities. Maybe that's when prayer and fasting come into the picture to salvage the situation. We need to pray about it and not just invite blindly.

I was assigned to Crystal group 4 as a leader. Throughout the games we played, I tried to do my best to lead them though we only won 2 games out of 5. Haha .. I was rather discouraged but thankfully, Pamela cheered me up. She taught me that it all wasn't so much about winnning and playing together as a team in harmony is most important. Ha ! Words of wisdom. I remember this particular game called the Candle Game which one guy from the opposite team cheated. Well, he didn't exactly cheat so as to win the game but he did not play according to the rules. I was pretty pissed when he kept disturbing Pamela. I guess he was just being cheeky. Haha .. Forgivable. The most hilarious part was during the Freebies Game when I crashed into the humongous Timothy ! I was so glad that I didn't die ! Haha .. He was a really friendly chap. We had a water bomb session after the games and I managed to hit my mei twice I think ! Ha ! Overall, I was pretty impressed by the games that the charis youths had planned though I was expecting something more physically vigorous and stimulating. Anyway, 3 cheers for Charis Youths ! *clap clap clap*

As usual, I couldn't keep my eyes off Ethel ! Haha .. She is just so adorable and cute ! It's not exactly an infatuation which most people conceived. I merely just enjoy looking at her cutiepie face ! Irresistible ! Haha ! And when the game IC announced that the crystal groups were to merge with the charis's to compete in the water bomb game, I was so exhilarated ! It turned out that both of our groups combined ! Muhahaha .. Fated !

As expected, Daniel was thrown into the water. It seems like a practice that everytime he's present, he would be forfeited some way or another. Haha .. It's probably his bubbly and jovial nature that gives him way time and time again. Now guess what ! After he was wet from head to toe, he happily came to me ! Oh yes, you're right ! It was my turn to be soaked ! Arghhhhh ! Haha .. Joshua, Gene, Daniel and Edmund gripped, carried and tossed me into the shore. There wasn't a point of struggling at that moment. Because i thought it wouldn't make much of a difference. Ha !

All in all, I was glad that the crystal youths had enjoyed themselves. It was also delighting that Stacie and Liping had brought their friends. As a 2 years old Tipsian, I guess I ought to behave and look after them like an elder brother. Apparently, some youths look up to me. I'm seriously appalled upon learning that ! I must be a good boy !

I must be a goody goody boy ! I must be a goody goody boy ! I must be a goody goody boy ! I must be a goody goody boy ! I must be a goody goody boy ! I must be a goody goody boy !

Yes, I must be a goody boy! *laughs*

Some photos to share !

--> Joshua, Edmond & myself !

--> Show Abs sia !

--> Crystal Youths !

--> Don't know what to comment .. haha

--> Liping's Friend & herself !

--> Myself & Stacie ! She finally agreed to take a photo with me ! Haha !

--> Weiliang & Myself

--> Myself & Wantian ! We love taking couple shots ! Muhahah =P

--> Mei & Myself ! I'm so cuteee ! YES !

--> Gene & Edmund kissing at the side. Gays !! Haha ..

Friday, May 28, 2004


We happily entered zouk 2 days ago and walked away disappointed. Haha .. The reason is simple.

Someone photos we've taken at probably 3.30 a.m after supper.

-> Gerald

-> MengHwee & myself

-> Swee Liang - I used to nicknamed him Horny Bastard
Oh Yes

I'm jobless again, idling at home. I'm too lazy to renew my passport and I'm hungry and nobody's preparing lunch. Mum's nothing more than a money dispenser. I wish she could have spend more time at home and not just work her ass off like a workaholic. Honestly, is there a necessity ? So that leaves me alot of time being alone to think about stuffs. And often, I don't think about good things. I bought the 3 sequel series of Lord Of The Ring DVD and was hoping that I could watch it with my parents. But apparently, they didn't seem interested. Alright, I would try to have dinner with them but each time Mum would leave the table before I finish my food. Interaction ? Minimal. I feel like I'm staying in remote hostel. Yes, my room is my nest - the only place at home where I spend 80% of my time in. That's absolutely pathetic. I can't imagine my life without church. I'll definitely be a living corpse.

Church is good, but not ideal. When has something ever been ideal ? It's alright. Nothing is perfect. Basic contentment is all that I need. And yes, I need to stop dreaming far. I need to think positive. Oh really ? I hate it when I have time to think. I think about everything; my mind would drift as each thought leads to another. And I'm tired of it. It depresses me. But it felt comfortable, very natural. I justify my actions based on the current circumstances - It's right to be fucked up because of this and that. It's natural and acceptable. I ought to be fucked up.

Maybe I'm too secular and open minded. That probably leads to my warp thinking and ideas. It'll be nice if someone could hit my head with a baseball bat. Common sense doesn't make any more sense. It feels more like human instincts when I react to different situations. Maybe I need to read the bible more to clear those shit within me. But again, I bear a grudge with God and I refuse to let go. No, never. I wish I could interrogate him like a criminal. He better come up with good answers for me. Okay, maybe the other way round. I should repend, fuck whatever grudges I have with him and be a good boy reading his word and doing my quiet time everyday. Interesting.

I feel more sadistic and evil each day. Yes, I still hold on to certain radical principles. But I'm less caring and indifferent to the surrounding. It feels like - I've enough problems of my own, why bother the world ? This is nothing more than a selfish statement. Oh, it really is. During last week's basketball match, I was provoked when one kid played roughly. The first time he hit me, I ran over and elbowed him. Yes, it was a sign of my aggression. I honestly didn't care less. Maybe I've inherited too much of Junwei's attitude. Haha .. Anyway, that kid was unhappy and hit my the second time. Revenge was in his mind. I looked at him in the eye and pushed him infront of everyone. Yes, hands to chest. I was raging and it felt good. Maybe I shouldn't have apologized twice to him that day. Well, there's a softer side of me at times.

Connie's a good girl. It's astonishing to note that such guai girls do exist to this day. I need more time to recompose myself. Oh yes.

Don't like this.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Little Sadistic Me

About a week ago, I had a great time torturing two lizzards. I honestly never knew I could be that sadistic. Let me recount my story with all fellow lizzard haters. *grINs*

It happened one fateful night. It was about 2 a.m then and I had a sudden urge to pee. So I headed to the toilet and was unpleasantly greeted by some 'friends' as I turned on the kitchen lights. I am never really fond of lizzards although I know of some people who truly love them. I remember there was one time when I stepped on something rubbery in the dark and I felt pretty sure that it wasn't a rubber band that raced beneath my feet. Okay, I shall not digress.

Back then, they were both hanging on the wall above the sink, motionlessly. I really think that they were stupid not to escape. Picking up a rubber band, I folded paper bullets and started to shoot at them. It was really exciting and it felt like a miniature forest deer hunting session ! At that moment, both lizzards started to panic and ran aimlessly. But they were stupid again not to escape from my evil clutches ! *wicked laugh* I filled a cup with hot water and started to pour at them. It wasn't very successful during the first few attempts but my accuracy improved subsequently. Totally exhilarating ! Needless to say, they died. Painful death isn't it ? Muhahaha ..

Check this out !

You must be wondering : hmm.. kevin is pretty ... interestin' =P